i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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