just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
