whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
