hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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