I think I died a long time ago.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
