i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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