idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
