the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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