Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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