It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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