Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Someone stole a lamp last night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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