So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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