saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I think my moral compass just broke
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