His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
