Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
where am i from again
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
