belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
