Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
