Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
