How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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