i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
