i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
