OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
