Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
