you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
