Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
