She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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