Sry I called you an 8
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
NoShamevember. You game?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
