My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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