I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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