Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
