I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
