So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't deserve a penis
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
