just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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