they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
