You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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