She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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