i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
