Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
