Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
