Don't make out with my wife yet
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
