Im at strip club and am horny
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
