what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
third nipple confirmed
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
