bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
