At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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