dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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