I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
