Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
