At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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