I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
