wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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