Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
