I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
