I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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